It seems whatever is going around has finally reached me. It had to be this weekend of all weekends to do so. I managed to force myself out of bed this morning, get myself somewhat presentable, and I got to cross something off of my bucket list. I went to a UFC event here in Phoenix today! While I have been to numerous wrestling events, I have not ever gone to see UFC live. It was different in some pretty interesting ways, however it was a ton of fun with the group of people I went with.
You see, I have a hard time being with a group of people because of my own experiences, and I tend to clam up when I am out and about with people. It has nothing to do with judgment, more to do with worth. Will I see these people again, and is it worth my time to make an effort with them? I do not believe in putting so much effort into everyone out there because it is impossible to have everyone out there be your friend. It is impossible to make everyone like you. So, I am picky in most things, including people I spend my time with.
Either way, I had a good time today even though by the end, I really wanted NyQuil and my bed. So, that is where I am headed now. Luckily, I took tomorrow off due to the late night outing, so I can take most of the day to rest and feel better. Although, I do have a phone interview tomorrow, and I start this new semester off. Hopefully, I can manage all of this plus more considering I wanted to start getting ready to do videos.
Another day for that. NyQuil kicking in, Anya tapping out.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
They Know Not What They Do...Or Do They?
It's incredibly selfish to want people to recognize the pain and damage they can cause with words. It is incredibly silly to think that they would care either way. People do what they do for a number of reasons, and sometimes you just need to realize that they do not realize what they are doing or the consequences of such.
I work for Facebook, and I worked hard to get to the position I am in. Using past experience and a thirst for constant education, I moved up within a matter of a few months. I have had this hard work ridiculed and down sighted so much that I hardly paid attention to it at first. I laughed it off, and I ignored everyone involved. I am very closed off and do not like to involve myself with other people. I am not at work to make friends. I am there to work and do my job and help with the Facebook platform. I help other people remain connected while I continuously pull away. Because of this, I am perceived as a wretched bitch. I get work done, and I am one of the best at what I do.
I was shown some chats today that made it clear others were not only belittling me and all I have worked for, but they also threatened me. Their attempts at such are ridiculous and childish, and in all reality, they should mean nothing to me. There are always rumors that I slept my way to getting to where I am, which is ridiculous seeing as I am asexual. I have no interest in such endeavors. They will think what they will, and they will make their claims to know about me when they haven't the slightest idea.
It did hurt, though. Reading these messages which were blatantly made about me by people that I have never even talked to in person. Others that I work directly with regularly taking what I do to help and turning it into criticism on their own person rather than their work ethic. Considering this all happened on a work chat shows how ethical they really are. Why does it bother me, though? Why am I letting the most ridiculous comments get to me when in all reality I could not care less about what they think of me?
I'll tell you. I hate that people go behind others backs to say these things. If you are such a big person, have so much resentment for me, then just say so. Tell me about it, and I will likely acknowledge that you have declared these thoughts against me, move on with my life without care. I am perfectly accepting of the fact that I do not need everyone to like me. I do not need to have thousands of friends or people that know me. I do not need to try to force anyone to like me. If you have a problem, cool. You can have that problem to my face as well as when my back is turned. Maybe then, I would have a little more respect for your opinion.
The other issue is that if you have a problem with someone or talk about them, why do you have to lie about everything? Can't you have an issue with me because of something I actually did or actually said? If you can't get your facts straight, then you just make yourself look like an unreliable idiot. It's amazing how much people think I do or have done. I mean, the fact that this imaginary side of me has time for all of it alongside being a full-time employee and full-time law student is amazingly talented. The things that I have supposedly done even are fascinating considering how little I actually do anything. If only there were things said that had validity, then I could provide myself a valid reason to be upset or annoyed.
I have manic bi-polar disorder. I have severe anxiety disorder. I have been raped numerous times. I am a cry-baby. I am lonely. I hate most people. These are things that I actually deal with. These are the places my mind wanders that actually hold significance to me and how I live.
To the people that run their mouth, have fun. In the end, you really don't get anywhere with saying these things. If your goal was to bother me momentarily, there you have it. That was the extent of my being bothered. I hope you enjoy it.
I work for Facebook, and I worked hard to get to the position I am in. Using past experience and a thirst for constant education, I moved up within a matter of a few months. I have had this hard work ridiculed and down sighted so much that I hardly paid attention to it at first. I laughed it off, and I ignored everyone involved. I am very closed off and do not like to involve myself with other people. I am not at work to make friends. I am there to work and do my job and help with the Facebook platform. I help other people remain connected while I continuously pull away. Because of this, I am perceived as a wretched bitch. I get work done, and I am one of the best at what I do.
I was shown some chats today that made it clear others were not only belittling me and all I have worked for, but they also threatened me. Their attempts at such are ridiculous and childish, and in all reality, they should mean nothing to me. There are always rumors that I slept my way to getting to where I am, which is ridiculous seeing as I am asexual. I have no interest in such endeavors. They will think what they will, and they will make their claims to know about me when they haven't the slightest idea.
It did hurt, though. Reading these messages which were blatantly made about me by people that I have never even talked to in person. Others that I work directly with regularly taking what I do to help and turning it into criticism on their own person rather than their work ethic. Considering this all happened on a work chat shows how ethical they really are. Why does it bother me, though? Why am I letting the most ridiculous comments get to me when in all reality I could not care less about what they think of me?
I'll tell you. I hate that people go behind others backs to say these things. If you are such a big person, have so much resentment for me, then just say so. Tell me about it, and I will likely acknowledge that you have declared these thoughts against me, move on with my life without care. I am perfectly accepting of the fact that I do not need everyone to like me. I do not need to have thousands of friends or people that know me. I do not need to try to force anyone to like me. If you have a problem, cool. You can have that problem to my face as well as when my back is turned. Maybe then, I would have a little more respect for your opinion.
The other issue is that if you have a problem with someone or talk about them, why do you have to lie about everything? Can't you have an issue with me because of something I actually did or actually said? If you can't get your facts straight, then you just make yourself look like an unreliable idiot. It's amazing how much people think I do or have done. I mean, the fact that this imaginary side of me has time for all of it alongside being a full-time employee and full-time law student is amazingly talented. The things that I have supposedly done even are fascinating considering how little I actually do anything. If only there were things said that had validity, then I could provide myself a valid reason to be upset or annoyed.
I have manic bi-polar disorder. I have severe anxiety disorder. I have been raped numerous times. I am a cry-baby. I am lonely. I hate most people. These are things that I actually deal with. These are the places my mind wanders that actually hold significance to me and how I live.
To the people that run their mouth, have fun. In the end, you really don't get anywhere with saying these things. If your goal was to bother me momentarily, there you have it. That was the extent of my being bothered. I hope you enjoy it.
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